Today I'm going all Perez Hilton on you.
So Scarlett Johansson has herself a little nude photo scandal going on. And the FBI is investigating. I'm pretty sure the Federal Bureau of Investigation wouldn't be helping me out if there were nude photos of me leaked into the ether. Nope. Of course no one would be looking without screaming, "My eyes, my eyes!!" because I've had two babies, people, and I am not a supermodel. But enough about me and my issues.
Back to ScarJo's issues.
Here's a word of advice to all you celebrities*that have been victims of nude photo scandals and sex tape scandals. If you don't want to be involved in one of these scandals, don't let anyone take your picture naked. And don't let anyone make a video of you doing something you wouldn't show your grandmother. Also, wear panties**.
It doesn't seem like rocket science.
*I know you're reading this, celebrities.
**Clean ones in good repair in case you have to go to the emergency room. This is a lesson taught to all southern daughters, I believe. You really wouldn't want to be in a car accident that requires you to go to the ER and have them see you in grundy undies, would you? Of course not. Then again, if I need emergency medical attention, I might not be thinking about the state of my panties. Who are we kidding, I am Ouiser. Of course I'll be worried about it. I'll also be worried about whether or not my toilet is adequately scrubbed. A leopard cannot change its spots.