Wednesday, October 31, 2007

don't be frightened

This is just a picture of S. It is not really a witch. S is just dressed as a witch for Halloween. Please don't be afraid and call the muggle police.
For the record, M is not a scarecrow. He's a broom. Get it? Witches ride on brooms. It's funny.

Happy Halloween from the P family, which includes the scariest witch ever. Ever.

"i see dead people"

Oh, Dennis Kucinich, you make me laugh. They actually asked him if he's seen a UFO during a presidential debate. Then he actually said, "yes." Of course, he tried to explain that he couldn't identify what he saw, which made it technically an unidentified flying object. At that point, the laughter coming from the Philly crowd was deafening, so I may be the only person in America who saw on his face that he was trying to be funny and cerebral and a good sport about being asked such an insanely irrelevant question. The whole situation prompted Chris Matthews to ask why Kucinich wants to ruin his chances of ever becoming president, declaring that he may as well have said he sees dead people. So, I'm not sure if it's more that Kucinich wants to shoot himself in the foot or that he's just such an easy target. Then again, the man made Shirley Maclaine his daughter's godmother, so it's really a toss up. Moving right along...

The way this day is going, if I don't have a massive panic attack before bed, I'll be surprised. S refused to take her morning nap. Blatantly refused. After an hour, she finally started to settle down, so I jumped in the shower. Then, someone came to the door, ringing the doorbell like a fifth grade moron, prompting Otis to go absolutely ape. So, Otis was howling and barking, S started screaming for all she was worth, and I was standing in the shower with shampoo running into my eyes, wondering what I ever did to deserve such chaos. I finished rinsing my hair, jumped out of the shower, and ran downstairs in a robe. Whoever was there was gone, but Otis was still all fired up. I didn't bother getting back in the shower as I couldn't stand to hear S scream any longer. She's been a grumpus ever since, and she has just fallen asleep. Thank God for small favors, right? So, now I'm trying to start digging out all of the stuff we need for the weekend and get the house cleaned and get the laundry done and not have a breakdown, and I'm sure I'm wasting precious minutes by blogging. I don't care.

Oh, now I remember the other thing I wanted to rant about. Halloween costumes. M and I were driving past a Halloween store the other day and there was a girl standing on the corner with a sign for the store. She was dressed as a devil. Not a regular devil, though. A sexy devil. This girl, who didn't look a day over 18, was standing on a busy street corner in broad daylight in a red garter belt and boots and not much else. I nearly choked. Can you imagine some day down the road if that was your daughter? Oh. Snap. I'd drag her into the car by her hair. It's one thing to be dressed up on Halloween or for a party, but this was too much. What else is too much? I'm so sick of all this sexy costuming. Why does every single women's costume have to make you look slutty? Slutty nun. Slutty nurse. Slutty slut. It's too much. People, put on some clothes. It's October. You'll catch pneumonia. I am such an old lady...just put me in my zip-up flannel nightgown and slippers now. I cannot deal today...

I have to go. Happy Halloween, my ghouls. I promise a pic of S all dressed up tomorrow.

Monday, October 29, 2007

suck it up

You know what's hit me in the past couple of days? How I am so going to have to be a grown-up about things that I've always been able to be a whining little chicken baby about now that I'm a mama. What a bummer. Example? My flu shot this morning. I don't like shots. Amazingly, I don't mind IVs or having blood drawn, but I hate shots. They're too violent. You're being stabbed, people. Stabbed.

Anyway, I got my first flu shot ever last year. I only got one then because my doctor said I sort of had to. I would've finagled my way out of it this year, but the doctor still suggested it because of S. I don't like that flu shot. It hurts. It makes my arm sore, and it makes me all anxious as I wait to be accosted by the giant needle. As I was sitting there waiting for it this morning, I realized that I have to stop acting like it bothers me. It will probably always bother me, but I can't give S a reason to start picking up on my neurotic behavior. She'll likely become neurotic all on her own, and I really shouldn't encourage it. Anyway, I kept thinking about it on the way home. What are the insane things that I am afraid of or that I dislike that I have to start faking it about for the sake of my child?

Number one? My fear of things with disproportionately giant heads. Like the Lexington Legends mascots. My fear of those evil things is the stuff of legend. I've more than once run crying from them, hiding out in the restroom. They scare me, and they feed off that fear. Other things that I'm afraid of that I have to start toughening up about? Pigeons. Snakes. Water. What about you? Am I the only 'fraidy cat out there? I seriously doubt it. Fess up. Alright. Last thing for the day. S spent a large part of the weekend trying to imitate M whistling. It's the cutest thing ever as she stretches out the entire bottom of her face and makes a little "o" with her mouth. So, so adorable.

And I lied. Last thing...congrats to MoWask and family on their precious new bambino. We love him already.

I'm out, peeps...things to do, people to see.

Friday, October 26, 2007

honey, i shrunk the kid

Our girl is shrinking. SHRINKING! S turned nine months old yesterday, and had her check-up today. It was the first time she's been weighed and measured since her six-month check-up. She's about 21-1/2 pounds and 29 inches now. While that's no small kiddo, she's shrunk from the 99th percentile in both categories to the 88th for weight and the 91st for length. Like I said, she's shrinking. At first, I was worried. Then I realized that I don't likely want my child to remain in the 99th percentile for either weight or height for her entire life lest she have to join the circus for employment. So, she's healthy and growing, and I'm happy.

She also got her first flu shot today, and she had blood drawn to check her iron levels. She was such a trooper that she didn't cry during the shot or during the finger prick...and we all know those finger pricks hurt. Of course, she wailed when I took the band aid off her finger. I suppose I can't expect her to be tough about everything.

Alright, I leave you with a shot of her nine-month birthday cake...or her three-quarters of a year three-quarter cake. Dark chocolate fudge cake with chocolate ganache, if you're wondering. Have a great weekend.FIVE SENSES FRIDAY
sight: the top tooth that's about to pop through
sound: S's super loud lentil poots
smell: Aveeno baby wash
touch: S smothering my face with her mouth (I think it's supposed to be a kiss)
taste: grilled hamburgers and sweet potato oven fries; s's cake (with about three glasses of milk)

Thursday, October 25, 2007

a wocket in your pocket?

I just watched a clip online of Dennis Kucinich on "The Colbert Report." It was hysterical. Colbert apparently challenged Kucinich to come on air and empty his pockets in response to Kucinich's habit of pulling all manner of crap out of his pockets during debates. Here's a link, so you can watch it, too.

So, what's in your pockets? I don't have pockets in the pants I'm wearing today, but when I cleaned out my pockets last night, there were three mini candy bar wrappers that I'd been accumulating all day as I continue to wage war against the Halloween candy in my house. (Seriously, M, this is why I don't buy the candy early, so don't ask me to next year. You're making me fat.) Usually, there are also some Cheerios as I think S drops a trail of them Hansel and Gretel style everywhere she goes. You know, in case she gets lost. In the woods. On the way to a gingerbread house where a witch might try to bake her for a tasty snack.

Anyway, we're just trying to stay dry and warm and keep from being blown away by the gale-force winds howling around the house. Oh, and we're telepathically trying to send both MoWask and Feathernester into labor. Good luck, girls.

Happy Thursday. I'm off to do sheets and towels. Did you know that Thursdays are "Sheets and Towels Day?" I am that huge of an anal-retentive nerd.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

stop staring at me, swan

So, Scarlet Lily had a moment. One of those "I'm seriously about to lose it" moments. She's not the only one, though, as I'm pretty sure that S almost went medieval on the refrigerator door yesterday.

In addition to taking things out of bookcases and banging on our wine glasses, she is now really trying to figure out what's inside of things. She realizes that doors open and that there are things on the other side. Some examples? The pantry. The dishwasher. The aforementioned refrigerator. Making dinner last night was an adventure...a new game I like to call kitchen tag. If I needed something out of the pantry, I'd rush to it, fling the door open, grab whatever I might need, and try to slam the door shut before S could get there. It was like watching Rachael Ray on speed, if that's even something that can be imagined. Anyway, the same went for the dishwasher and the fridge. The dishwasher situation is a little scarier as there are knives in there, so I have to be extra careful with that one.

At one point, I was digging vegetables out of the drawer at the bottom of the fridge, and I just couldn't get in and out fast enough to keep S out of the fridge, so I just stood out of the way and decided to let her explore a little. At first, I was holding the door open, then I decided that was for the birds and if she wanted to play in the fridge, she could take care of the door herself. That's when it got funny. The door would slowly close and hit her in the butt. She would turn around and give it a very mean look and push it away as hard as she could. Satisfied with having taken action and defended herself against the overly aggressive door, she would turn around again to play. Needless to say, the door kept coming back. She would get more and more frustrated. Giving the door more and more menacing scowls, pushing the door harder and harder. It was completely hysterical. Eventually she more or less gave up and started playing with the things in the door.

As harrowing as the game of kitchen tag was while I tried to make dinner, watching my daughter become completely indignant made it all worth it.

Happy Wednesday, folks.

Friday, October 19, 2007

hold on, what happened to friday?

All day long I meant to sit my little buns down and blog. All day. All of a sudden, I looked up and realized that it's 5:30. What happened to today? We're heading to DC tomorrow, so I've been trying to get things together, but surely that didn't consume my whole day.

Hang on. I got sidetracked. Now it's 10pm. Of course, M and I just watched our latest movie from Netflix. We got A History of Violence. It was horribly, embarrassingly bad. Worst acting ever captured on celluloid. Ever. It's one of those movies that really makes you think you've just lost an hour and a half of your life. I'll never get that time back. It's just sad. That's all I can say. If you haven't seen this movie, don't. If you have seen it, why didn't you start a nationwide campaign to spread the news about how horrible it is? If those Latter Day Saints kids can tool around my neighborhood in shirts and ties in the blazing hot middle of August to spread the word about their church, why couldn't you, my friends, give me a heads up on this movie? Really.

Anyway, we're out of town for the weekend, so I'm out peeps. If you're not one of my prego friends about to pop, send them lots of happy labor-inducing thoughts. Lots of them. I'm hoping to get everyone to give birth on the same day, so I'll be less likely to forget any birthdays. Is that too selfish?

Happy weekending, peeps.

Sight: the end credits of that awful movie...the end was so welcome it was like seeing the first daffodils in Spring
Sound: Last of the Mohicans soundtrack
Smell: baking bread
Touch: "hugs" from S
Taste: peanut butter brownies with chocolate ganache-holy yum, batman

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

all i want for christmas

You know what I love? The Neiman Marcus Christmas Book. Love it. It's so ridiculous. I can't imagine paying more for an outfit than I paid for my wedding dress. I can't imagine paying more for a Christmas gift than I paid for my house. I just can't imagine...
That being said, I still would love the treetent in this year's book. So, if anyone has 50,000 bucks that they want to blow on a completely frivolous item, go right ahead. I promise to send a thank you note.

Really, I don't think that any of the trees in our yard would support this monster, so it's probably not a good idea. It would just sit in the closet. Wait a minute, it's bigger than my closets. I could use it as a closet. Forget storing my off-season clothes in tuckers in the garage, I'm schlepping those babies into my treetent.

Alright, I've got too much to try to accomplish today to sit here rambling about the treetent. Happy Hump Day, peeps.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

new hobby

Warning! Warning! To the men in M's office who read this blog, I will be using some female-ish words that may disturb the time I mentioned pumping a bottle for S and you all wigged out. Just warning you.

Sometime in the past few days, S figured out that the drawers and the doors in our bathroom open. She'd actually opened the drawers inadvertently a few times, but now she knows it wasn't a fluke. She's trying to figure out how to get the doors to open more than the two inches allowed by the cabinet locks. Until she figures that out, she's fairly content to pull the door open, peek inside, close the door, and repeat. Over. And over. And over.

When she gets bored with that activity, she moves to the drawers. I sorted the drawers ages ago, removing all dangerous and toxic materials from the bottom drawers, knowing that this day would come. M's bottom drawer is totally empty now, so it's not at all interesting to S. My bottom drawer, however, now plays home to such items as cotton balls, empty cosmetic bags, and tampons. Stuff that can't hurt my daughter (at least not physically, she may someday be psychologically scarred). Yesterday, she pulled a box of tampons out of the drawer and started beating on it like a drum. She went one step further this morning, actually opening the box and trying to figure out whether tampons are edible. She sat in the bathroom floor for a solid ten minutes in a pile of tampons and other feminine accoutrement. I found it hysterical. M didn't find it so funny, and he thought we wouldn't have to explain those things to her until she was about 15. I think he was a little upset when I told him it would be closer to when she's ten. Like when he freaks out when we walk past training bras in Target, and I mention that S will need one someday. Sometimes I point stuff like that out just to see how oddly misshapen his face becomes. It's really fun.

Of course, she's not just into feminine hygiene. She's into everything. We officially have "that baby." You know the one I'm talking about. The baby that has to touch and attempt to eat everything. She's tall enough now to reach actual tabletops when she stands on her tiptoes. Phones, lamps, plants, magazines, picture frames. All of these things are endangered. Her new favorite game is to race me to the wine cabinet. She likes the sounds the glasses make when she bangs on them and they clink together. Needless to say, it isn't a game I enjoy, as I spend most of my time trying to figure out how to keep her away from the cabinet and make it less enticing without removing all the wineglasses. Because, really, where would I put them anyway? Why couldn't we have had a baby like our niece S? She was one of those babies that did not need to explore everything. I always knew our child would be like this, though. God wouldn't let me get away that easy. He was bound to bless me with a daughter just like me. I don't know how M can stand it.

That's enough talking about that. Just so you know, I sat down yesterday...Blog Action Day, remember...and I started making a chart of what various presidential candidates are saying about the environment. I didn't get all that far as S woke up from her afternoon nap earlier than anticipated. However, M did send me a quiz that was going around his office yesterday. The quiz matches you up with a candidate based on your answers and ranking of 11 questions. It's pretty interesting, and after it matches you up, you can look at the candidates' stands on the issues a bit more thoroughly. Give it a try if you've got five minutes.

Monday, October 15, 2007

blog action day

Did you know that today is blog action day? It is. Everyone is supposed to write about the environment. Instead of writing about it, though, I'm going to check out some other sites to see what they have to say. I hope you will, too. Here's somewhere to get started.

Happy Blog Action Day, peeps.

Saturday, October 13, 2007


S just wanted to let you know that it's case you didn't know. "What's so special about a Saturday," you ask. Well, we're in the south, which means Saturdays in the fall are game days. SEC football game days. S is pulling for the Vols, and she's sporting her new orange jumper with pride. It's way too big, though, so she's already wearing something else. Oh, well. The girl looks good in orange, though, and that's never a bad thing.
Happy Game Day, peeps.

Friday, October 12, 2007

you can call me Al

Seriously big shout out to my man Al Gore. I wonder if he's the first Tennessean to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Whether he is or not, I'm thrilled for him and the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. It's pretty exciting, you know. Al Gore brings a lot of publicity to anything he's involved in, so I think this could be great for the environmental movement. Really, really great. So, way to go, Al. (I'm certain he reads this blog and will be thrilled out of his head at my congratulatory statement. Right?)

It's been a pretty low key couple of days around here. Fall showed up Wednesday with a vengeance, and it's a solid 25 degrees cooler than it was earlier in the week. It's chilly. S has had to start wearing pajamas, and her little fingers and nose are like popsicles. We've been pretty bundled up, which seems ridiculous since we were wearing as little as possible in the heat last week. Of course, it is still in the 60's, so it's not like there's an ice age setting in. It just feels that way since it all happened to fast. We'll get over it.

I've also gotten started on S's Halloween costume, and I should be able to finish it up today or tomorrow. She's going to be a witch if I haven't mentioned it before. I think I'm going to make her a little broom to carry, too. I'll be the one that gets beaten with it, so we'll see if I'm really brave enough to make one. I promise to post pics of the costume as soon as it's done.

I'm out people. Things to do...

Sight: S and Otis, side-by-side, looking out the window
Sound: The Littlest Birds by the Be Good Tanyas
Touch: ice cold little fingers
Taste: chocolate cookies at M's work party last weekend
Smell: grilled cheese poop (yuck!)

Monday, October 08, 2007

say cheese

Today has been an exciting day in the P household. I use the term "exciting" fairly loosely. It may not seem exciting to everyone. Around here, though...the standard for excitement is pretty low.

Anyway, the day started with a first. The first time that I actually gave S her breakfast in a bowl with the spoon. On her own. I have one of those suction cup bowls, so I put her banana/yogurt/oatmeal combo in it, stuck it to the high chair tray, handed her the spoon, said a silent little prayer, and asked forgiveness from my carpet. It wasn't so bad really. She chucked the spoon immediately and dug in with her fingers. When she realized that her fingers weren't really the best vehicle for escorting the breakfast combo to her mouth, she decided she didn't care and went after the diced bananas that were scattered across the tray. I eventually removed the suction cup bowl, and I don't even think she cared...aside from the fact that she could see her diced bananas better without the bowl in her way. We'll wait awhile before trying it again. She just isn't interested in being fed right now as she wants to do everything herself, so I thought I'd give her the opportunity. Basically, I think we'll be skipping the puree step of making her food, and just giving her things that are steamed and diced.

The second first of the day was at lunch. S had her first grilled cheese. Since she's so interested in feeding herself, I thought I'd give her something new and sophisticated. Sophisticated for her, anyway. There was really so little cheese involved that I may as well have fed her grilled toast. She liked it, though, and she ate the entire grilled cheese, less the crusts, which I thought might be a "choking hazard." She also ate half a pear. She eats like a grown-up.

After all the lunchtime fun, we headed to the mall, which is totally mommy-central in the middle of the day. It's like playing a game: dodge the oncoming strollers. ("If you can dodge a stroller, you can dodge a ball.") I had to return a jacket that I'd ordered from Land's End. (Did you know you can take the stuff back to Sears and not pay shipping?? Score. I'll take that six bucks in Starbucks credit, please.) I also had to pick up a birthday gift for my littlest sister, who turns 11 next week. Since we were there, I let S play in the play area, and she was a little more adventurous this time. She crawled away from me several times, toward groups of other kids. I think she had fun, but after ten minutes, she was overwhelmed, so we came home for naptime.

The last first of the day was an Otis first. Background: we replaced all of our locks a few weeks ago, and the door to to garage doesn't shut entirely properly now. You've really got to put your weight into it to make it close, and then you have to double check to make sure it's closed. Then double check again for good measure. I ran out to the garage a little while ago to grab some packing tape, and as I was on the phone, I did not check the door the extra time. Apparently, it came open at some point while I was on the phone and taping packages, because I realized that Otis wasn't around anymore. Crap. Otis is not one of those dogs that you can just let out. Well, maybe he is, but we'll never know because we don't trust that he wouldn't chase a squirrel all the way to Maryland. I ran out to see if he was anywhere to be found, and I saw him in a yard a few houses down. I called to him, and he looked at me, confused. I ran back into the house to find something to entice him with, and when I went back to the garage, there he was. Good dog. Very, very good dog. I gave him a whole apple as a "thank you for not making me chase you throughout the entire city of Lexington" reward. Now he's napping, and I'm sitting here thinking I've got the greatest dog ever.

I have stuff to do. Like wash diapers. As always.

I'm out, peeps. Have a good one.

Friday, October 05, 2007

dunder mifflinfinity

I have nothing of any consequence to say today. Nothing at all, so I'm just building on Scarlet Lily's post, which means I just want to say how wicked awesome "The Office" is. Funniest show on TV right now...followed closely by 30 Rock. Tina Fey wiping her ham fingers on her sock was one of the most hysterical things I've ever seen. As was Jane Krakowsi demonstrating how vertical stripes don't always draw your eye upward or Tracy Morgan talking about ministering to transvestite prostitutes. I nearly peed it was all so funny. You can watch the whole episode here. Go ahead, it's a Friday afternoon, and you know you're bored and your boss has probably already gone home anyway.

Sight: "how many cheerios will fit in my mouth?"
Sound: Screen Door by Uncle Tupelo, which I snagged on iTunes yesterday.
Smell: baked french toast
Touch: shoulder rub, warm shower
Taste: baked french toast, grilled steak fajitas

Thursday, October 04, 2007


Our playgroup met at Boyd's Orchards today. My child looks like she just went to playgroup on the set of "Dirty Jobs." The whole play area is essentially trampled straw over hard-packed dirt, and S loved it. I had to strip her down before I would even put her in her car seat. She fell asleep on the drive home...five minutes before we got to the house, so now she's upstairs in her crib playing and refusing to go back to sleep despite the fact that she must be exhausted. I'll never understand why anyone would refuse naps. Naps are glorious.
Of course, she'd already gotten herself filthy this morning by choosing to teach herself to use a spoon. With yogurt. While she understands the concept of "put spoon in mouth" as her MO is to put everything in her mouth, she does not grasp reloading the spoon. We're working on it, but today's attempts yielded less than stellar results. She got more yogurt up her nose than in her mouth...and more in Otis's mouth than her own. Lovely.Lastly, speaking of much do I want this shirt? Unfortunately, it's a child's shirt. While I can wear a kid's XL, they tend to be too short, leading to the ever-despised "plumber crack." And, hey, crack kills.

I'm here all week.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

three is the magic number?

Cross another one off the list. Another anniversary, that is. M and I celebrated our third anniversary yesterday, which also means that it has also been a whopping seven years since T dragged us out onto an island in the middle of the Mississippi River. We count that little field excursion as our "first date" even though there was nothing date-like about it. It was chilly, and T was sick, and M's contacts nearly froze to his eyeballs overnight. I wouldn't change a thing about it.

Anyway, it's been a great three years, full of grown-up things like buying a house, and getting a dog, and having a baby.
In celebration, I grilled fajitas and drank a really good beer (Jack's Pumpkin Spice Ale) and made a pink cake. Well, a chocolate cake with pink icing. In case you're not lucky enough to have been on the receiving end of any of my rantings about our wedding cake, count yourself blessed as I'm about to explain...our wedding cake was supposed to be pink. Granted, it was pink, but it was such a light shade of pink that it looked like a regular white cake. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a traditional white wedding cake. Not a thing in the world. The problem is that mine was supposed to be pink. I made up for the great travesty yesterday by making one. Now I can get over it. I even added raspberry for M as that was the filling in his groom's cake. So, another year down...

Happy Wednesday, folks.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

kid-tested, mother-approved

That's the slogan for Kix cereal for those of you not in the know. I read in one of my books that Kix is a great alternative to Cheerios for little ones, so when I got to DC last week, I picked up a box. I thought S might like a little variety. She devoured those little round puffs of corn. They are not, however, just little round puffs of corn. They are sweetened. Not Fruity Pebbles sweetened, but sweetened. They were like crack. She loved them even more than those flavored Gerber fruit puff things. She ate almost an entire box in four days (less the two bowls that I ate). It's all harmless, right?


She has been producing the nastiest, undigested Kix-laden poop that you can imagine. It's so gross that it's funny. Learn from my mistakes, new mommies, stick to Cheerios.

Beyond the great Kix experiment, the trip to Tennessee was good. S enjoyed her first pep rally and parade on Friday, and she got to ride the tractor for the first time. All-in-all it wasn't bad- except that she, once again, did not sleep well when taken out of her element. Luckily, it seems to have only taken one day at home to get her back into the swing of things. Almost. She is suddenly going to bed a half-hour earlier...and getting up a half-hour earlier, too. What am I supposed to do at 6:30 in the morning, anyway??Nothing new to report here...though I did make another new soup last night. (Actually, I'd made it before, but I'd never served it to M, so it doesn't count.) It's Giada's Quick and Spicy Tomato Soup. It's insanely simple, and a total cheater recipe, so you can probably make it any day of the year with the stuff that's already in your cupboard. It's yummy, so go ahead and give it a whirl sometime.