Friday, November 17, 2006

Are you kidding me?

Okay, I am ready for today's self-revelation. I am a wimp, and I act like a thirteen-year-old in that I use laughter as a coping mechanism when I am uncomfortable. Case in point: childbirth class last night. I grew up in the sticks, and I am certain that the boys' basketball coach who taught health class would've rather stabbed out his own eyeballs than show a childbirth video. Thus, until about 24 hours ago, I had never actually seen "birth." Ummmm, all I can say is, I want a C-section. M and I are sitting there in the dark auditorium of the hospital with about ten other expecting couples and WHAM! full on female parts with a head crowning. I wasn't ready for that. They should've warned me. I'm such a nerd that I covered my eyes at first. I finally got up the nerve to watch and the images are now burned into my retinas for eternity. Of course, the giggles didn't hit at that point- I was in shock. After the cute little baby heads popped out of their mommies, they showed the delivery of the placenta. I'm no idiot, I knew this was coming, I just had NO IDEA what a delivered placenta was going to look like. It looked like a cow bladder (or what I would imagine a cow bladder looks like...funny how it's easier for me to imagine a cow bladder than a placenta). Anyway, the giggles hit when they showed a doctor messing around with all the afterbirth in a big bucket. (I'm giggling now just thinking about it.) I was so totally grossed out looking at it that I couldn't control myself. I sat there shaking violently the way that you do when you're trying to contain a fit of giggles in church. I am not excited about giving birth. I'm secretly hoping that all this hullaballoo is for naught and that the stork really does bring the baby. I'm guessing that all you moms out there aren't going to let me keep hoping for that one.

I am wearing myself out thinking about it right now, so moving right along:

Sight: Did you read about my childbirth class experience?
Sound: M pulling into the garage right now- I think
Taste: Signature salad from Cosi
Smell: bread baking
Touch: M patting me on the shoulder last night in an ill-fated attempt to make me feel better about giving birth

1 comment:

mo.wask said...

ok. you have me laughing but laughing at the visual i have of you and m at the class. to be a fly on that wall. yes, it is rather in your face at the class. but when you are caught up in the moment... nothing matters except you being in what i call the birthing zone. you have a goal... to pop that kid out. you can do anything you set your mind to do, ouiser. i have faith. ps after the babe comes out... neither you or m will care abou the placenta... all eyes will be on little s's toes and eyelashes. you will be in awe and in love.