the classics. ouiserfied.

I don't think Ouiserfied is a word, but we're going to go with it anyway.

Up next on this crazy fashion classics adventure: if I had to purchase the 32 items on the Real Simple list, what would I buy? Let's be clear, I wouldn't necessarily choose these 32 items, and that will be abundantly clear. In the next post, I'll choose the 32 items that I would buy if I got to make the list from scratch. Here goes nothing, folks...

1. White Cotton Button Down. I have a couple of issues with button down shirts. One: they are too boxy for me unless they are very fitted or tailored. They just swallow me up. Two: If they are fitted or tailored, all that fabric around my neck (read: the collar) makes me claustrophobic. I own one button down and it's a very relaxed, banded collar number from J.Jill. It is worn almost exclusively with boyfriend jeans and flats in a very, very relaxed, I-could-totally-live-in-a-loft way. If I had to buy another one, it would likely be similar. Maybe this one.
2. Twinset. My need for easy washability makes this option a good one. Of course, I love all cardigans. Love. As in, love love. If I hadn't already married Mr. Ouiser, I might just marry a cardigan.
3. Long sleeved tees. I used to have a couple of the Gap long sleeved favorite tees, but they changed the fabric and now I do not love them as much. I have, however, always been pleased with knit purchases from J.Jill, so this one is what I'd get. For the record, the J.Jill knits don't shrink terribly, the cotton is thick enough that you don't feel like your underthings are on display, and they hold their shape. I really do love their knits.
4. Pashmina. Really, I love all scarves and wraps. All of them. Since this is my list, I'll throw this one out there...as a dream. I'd never actually pay for it.
5. Handbag. For the totally classic vibe, I like the Cole Haan Chrystie Street Ava bag in black.
6. Rain hat. I can't really imagine wearing a rain hat, so I'll just act like I would wear the one I linked to last week. Really, though. Get a pretty stick umbrella.
7. Barbour jacket. The original article claims that chic Milanese women wear these everywhere "from the market to the opera." If they say so. There's really not an alternative to these, so let's just act like I'd wear the original.
8. Wellies. Stick with Hunter Boots.
9. Short sleeve tees. I have to be careful with tees. Probably everyone should. Not many people can pull off the classic crew neck tee shirt without looking like a boy or a person with no style. Some really thin people can, but I am not one of those people. I need a significant scoop neck or a v-neck always. Also, I'm awfully particular about sleeves. I had a tee from Old Navy this summer that I loved. When it fell apart, I decided that I loved it so much I didn't care, and I ordered three more. One of them has a big, fat hole in it already, but I swear I'll order it again anyway. It fits like a dream. But the white is a little too thin.
10. Cords. I love J.Jill's authentic fit jeans so much, that I'm already considering getting a pair of their cords.
11. Belt. I've been telling myself "thou shalt not covet the belt on the internet," but I'm still practically drooling over the belt from the original list.
12. Driving loafers. I don't wear loafers, so I don't care. Want to know why? They make my legs look shorter than they are, and that's a rather monumental feat. I wear ballet slippers instead. Just the same, I'd never pay for a pair of Tod's. I'd get the knock offs from LL Bean.
13. Watch. I'm not likely to ever wear a watch again. Just the same, there was an article in my aunt's Real Simple (again with the Real Simple magazine!!) about watches making a comeback. I saw one that made me swoon. This one right here. Go figure it's from Tiffany.
14. Crewneck sweater. Crewneck sweaters are just like crewneck tees for me. They have no place on my body. However, I have an older version of this sweater that I love. It's warm and it has held up to life in the Ouiser household nicely.
15. Trousers. Here's the problem with trousers and me. I'm short, and I've got what I'll lovingly call curves. Neither short girls nor curvy girls should wear wide leg pants. It's a fact. They make us look stumpy, and no short girl wants to look stumpy. We'd all rather be adorably petite. Alas, we're not all Audrey Hepburn, are we? No, we are not. Anyway, nothing wide legged for me. That wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have thighs like tree trunks and a small waist. People don't want to dress me in trousers. It's not a good look for me. I am a girl who was made to wear dresses. That being said, I had good luck once with a pair of curvy pants from Ann Taylor, and these are lovely enough that I'd almost be willing to try them.
16. Pumps. Whilst I would love a pair of Cole Haan's, that's not in the budget for me for a pair of shoes that I'd rarely wear. I did attempt to get these earlier in the week, but when they arrived today, they didn't fit and they don't have the smaller size in stock. They were, however, lovely.
17. Nightgown. I've actually taken to wearing gowns in the summer. It makes me feel like a little bit of a grown up. I like these.
18. Robe. What's the purpose of the robe? To lay around and be warm or to wear from the shower to the closet? Who cares? I'll take this one.
19. Slippers. I love slippers. Love them. I made Mr. Ouiser a convert about a year ago when I got him a pair of Sorels. I have worn through two pair from LL Bean in the past three years, so I think I just might go for cute ones the next time around...since I'm wearing them out anyway.
20. Tanks. I fully intend to buy several of these after Christmas. You see, I love to wear a tank under my clothes, but I like these because they aren't underwear, which means I can wear them alone under a cardigan. I couldn't do that with an actual undershirt. Also, they lay flat unlike those wretched, ubiquitous ribbed tanks.
21. Kneesocks. SmartWools. That is all.
22. Pajamas. I can't imagine wearing men's pajamas. I don't like collars on my regular clothes, wearing a collar to bed sounds like unnecessary torture. However, I love Gap Body's pajama pants. And maybe a shirt that matches would be nice.
23. Cotton bikinis. Again, I'm like an ad for Gap Body.
24. Black turtleneck. I explained previously that I don't wear turtlenecks. Since you now know that I also don't like collared shirts, you can see that I have a fabric-touching-my-neck-unless-it's-a-scarf-aversion. You can pretend I'd wear this if you want.
25. Jeans. I swear by these. Swear by them. So much so that I need to go buy another pair because all these stupid vegetables have left me falling out of my pants. I look like a hobo. That is decidedly not within the classic aesthetic wheelhouse I'm going for.
26. Brown boots. Seriously, I wouldn't be caught dead in the boots from the original list. It goes back to that "playing touch football at Turkey Hill" thing I talked about earlier. It's preppy overkill for me. However, I think a classic riding boot silhouette can never go wrong.
27. Boat and Tote. Do you have a boat and tote? I don't. I used to, and I loved it. It was so handy that it was almost absurd. Alas, I left it at the dry cleaners once with my dry cleaning, and that was the end of that. I should replace it.
28. Winter cap. I know it's not a winter cap like the list means, but I saw this when I was looking for a rain hat that was tolerable, and I fell in love. I will never own it, but it's so pretty. It looks so soft. I want to pet it. I feel a little like Lennie Small.
29. Sweatshirt. I own exactly one sweatshirt. I have had it since 1996 when I went to visit the U of M. It is in bad shape. The neck is toast. Alas, I still have it. Recently, I've taken to wearing cardigans exclusively around the house because when I'm in sweats, I act like I'm in sweats, which roughly translates to "I act like a sloth." The cardigans don't tend to keep me as warm as a toasty sweatshirt, though. I can't snake one from Mr. Ouiser because all of his are hooded and there's all that fabric around my neck plus they're size ginormous, and I'd be wearing a sweatdress instead of a sweatshirt. I need a compromise. Something cuter than my decrepit Memphis sweatshirt but toasty and comfortable. Perhaps this.
30. Vest. I'll stick with the Synchilla.
31. Trench coat. Really the London Fog is about as classic as they come, but who wouldn't want this?
32. Diamond studs. Now I love a diamond as much as the next girl, but I'm more of a pearls girl at heart. I wear pearl studs almost everyday. It adds to my perception of myself as Donna Reed. Oh, how I long to be Donna Reed. However, if I must channel Marilyn, I'll wear these.

So there you have it. Now, let's be perfectly clear, these are pretty much the items I'd buy if my bank account was suddenly switched with Warren Buffett's. I suppose I could've been more practical in some of my choices, but it's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.

You know what I mean.