Monday, March 10, 2008

35 rolls and who are you, anyway?

M wanted me to let you all know that he found 35 rolls of pennies under the bed. That's 1,750 more pennies, plus another glass we found. So, while not likely at 20,000, we're closer. M felt it important that you all know that as he fears he'll be judged by his inability to cash in 20,000 pennies. Something like that. Also, you may be asking yourself why there was a container of 35 rolls of pennies under our bed. I asked the same question. M says he could start chucking them at any would-be burglars. Assuming he remembered they were there, which he didn't because I assure you he'd rather not go back to the little teller girl at the bank with more coins. She already thinks he's lost it. Moving on...

S and Otis are chasing each other right now. I'm a little distracted. It's pretty funny. Where's the camcorder when you need it?

So, who are you? Are you really yourself? If you're some mysterious Ouiser-reader that I've never met and I suddenly met you, would I meet the "real" you? Honestly? M and I had this conversation the other day. I had commented that I wish I could really just be myself all the time. Unapologetically, unabashedly myself. All the time. But, I can't. Or maybe I just won't. Instead, there's "first impression Ouiser" and "real, honest-to-goodness, you've probably already decided that you like me or you don't Ouiser." Does that make sense? I'm always afraid of stepping on someone's toes or offending them. I'm worried that people won't like me because I make some off the cuff comment about George Bush or the war in Iraq or the fact that the country is in the toilet because of the two aforementioned problems. So, I tend to keep most of my beliefs and opinions to myself until I've gotten to know someone. Really it's worked out quite well for me. Morton Mama is one of my best friends, and she's such a goofy republican that we'd likely never have been friends if we'd both gone all-out when we first met. Also, all of my friends at my old office (except dear A) are right-wingers. (Some day you'll realize that you are all misguided. Ha.) I like to give people time to get to know me and love me, then I start hitting them with the fact that I'm a tree-hugging hippie. (Though I do not define hippies as being people who stink of patchouli, smoke copious amounts of weed, or skip bathing. Yuck on all accounts.) Instead, I let them all make fun of me for being a tree hugger, and I slowly infiltrate. For example, K pointed out her recycling bin in the pantry last week, and the non-liberal A told me that she bought reusable grocery bags. Baby steps.

Of course, sometimes you know that people think just like you from the beginning, and you can start ripping on the president as soon as you meet. That's always fun. Even then, though, you run the risk of taking it one step (or one glass of wine) too far and alienating your would-be new BFFs. So, I go through life pretty much constantly holding back because when I don't I end up with one of my crazy hippie shoes squarely lodged in my mouth. The thing is, I'm not really afraid for people to not like me. It happens. I'm not losing any sleep over it. My fear is that people who would like me, don't give it a shot because of some remark I made, and then I've lost what could've been a friend. Again, am I making any sense here?? I realize that the opposite is true. I know that I've judged people on comments they've made and sworn I could never be around them. I know I've done it. But, I found out pretty quickly what a hotbed of republican love my old office was, and I didn't run screaming from anyone.

Anyway, I'm rambling. There is no great question or revelation from this stream of thought. None. I know that I won't change. I'll still keep my "nice to meet you" face on when I encounter new people. And I'll still use my chipper phone voice even when I'm mad or sad. I'll still do all of those things because it's what you do, right? It's part of living in society. The great trade-off for not being a hermit?? You decide.

I'm out. Super Why is coming on, and I've got a baby to rock out with.


die Frau said...

I have so much to say to this that I may as well blog about it myself and simply link to you. So much of what you say makes perfect sense, and I'm just cheerily jealous that you'll probably get all of the comments before I can put mine up.... :-)

I'll quickly say that, while I try to be "myself", whoever that is, right away, I do tend to come on too strong to some people. Now, does that worry me? Depends on who it is. This is why I hold back with people like potential bosses. However, I think a few people have made up their minds about me because of some comment I unwittingly made and have cooled off toward me, and that bugs me for the same reasons you mentioned. I just try to get to know people before I make my decisions on how I think they'll fit into my life, if at all.

Angie said...

The early college-years Ouiser is far-removed from the all grown-up(yes, that makes me giggle a bit,too) Ouiser that we all love. That girl was closer to the true description of a tree-hugging hippie...yeah, a bit smelly and all. The real environmentally minded liberal "freak" has really sprouted since you have your own family. Freak is more a term of endearment. Zealot is maybe better.
You probably are one of my closest friends because you keep me on my toes. As for myself-I think that what you see is what you appoligies! I have even stuck my foot in my mouth with brides. Funny, they still book with me for their weddings. That is the greatest-taking money from liberals. I guess I am a conservative after all!

p said...

your post has had me thinking for days. i've been opening up my own page (i still refuse to call it a blog) to more and more people, especially people close to me. it's funny: i want to be as open as possible but i also don't want anyone to be hurt by what i say. it's tough with text: there's a lot missing in these simple unicode characters - tone, expression, inflection.. not to mention the chance to further explain a thought or position if someone is unclear.

as for expressing how you really feel about something, i'm with you on this one.. and actually i don't think you could've said it better. you're right on and i'd only be reiterating what you already said so well.

i'm currently in a situation where i want to be as honest and open with someone as i'd like to be.. but i'm not going to, not yet, because i'm sure i'll scare them off. on the surface, that sounds incredibly ridiculous, no? but what's the alternative?

it'd be wonderful if people didn't make decisions based on their first impressions. maybe if we all had more time to spend on getting to know each other.. until then, smile ;)