ralph? ralph nader?

Nope. Not Ralph Nader. Just ralph. As in puke. As in vomitrocious. As in the stomach bug that hit the P family. I won't gross you out with the details, but S picked it up from my wonderful brother last weekend while we were away, and she gave it to me and M in turn. She spent most of Monday puking on us, but she was fine in 24 hours, as was I yesterday. I suspect M will be back to normal around 8pm. I will tell you that S's enormous breakfast puke on Monday smelled like a smoothie as the kid had eaten a banana and a couple of handfuls of blueberries and strawberries. Gross observation, I know. It was pleasant, though, as far as puke goes.

Moving on. Vomit just isn't as interesting as it was in third grade.

Welcome back to the blogosphere, L. I wholeheartedly await your wittiness on a regular basis.

Oh, I have a new favorite thing. White Vinegar in the washing machine. We've been using dryer balls in lieu of any type of fabric softener for several months now. The clothes from the dryer were coming out a smidgen too staticky, and the clothes from the drying rack were too stiff. Enter white vinegar. Our clothes are now softer, less staticky, and I don't feel the need to beat the clothes from the drying rack with a stick to make them soft enough to wear. I highly recommend it. Here's a link...

Lastly, the Ps are heading to Memphis tomorrow for a wedding. It's a quick trip, but it will be nice. S hasn't really met any of our Memphis "family," so we're looking forward to the shocked looks we'll get when people realize how friggin' huge she is. We're going to take her to the zoo Sunday morning before we head home, so she can see the polar bears. Really, M and I just love the polar bears. Hopefully, S will be entertained.

Alright, I can hear Otis gnawing on something in the other room. I'm out. Have a great weekend, peeps. Oh, but what the crap is going on at Wimbledon? I mean, on the men's side nobody really cares about the upsets. Everybody knows it's going to be Federer/Nadal again. But, ladies, come on. If I have to see a Williams sister in the finals (or, God forbid, both Williams sisters), I may have to boycott next year's tournament. Now I really am out.

hunka, hunka burnin' love

So, M and I spent the weekend in Canandaigua, NY for Scarlet Lily's wedding. Gorgeous. Perfect. Wouldn't change a thing about it. Well, almost. Seems the reception was a bit of a fire hazard. The tables at the reception were very pretty, and there were lots of votives around the centerpieces. Unfortunately, the folks at our table can't be trusted with open flames. Somehow (and I really don't know how), as the wedding party was being introduced and were entering, a wedding program that was at our table went up in flames. Not smoking, people. Burning. It was across the table from me, but the guys sitting there were trying to pat it out with more paper, which wasn't working because we're talking about legitimate flames. Someone finally had the good sense to throw their water onto our little campfire, which left our table in a haze of stinky smoke and a puddle and one now blackened napkin that was also used in the original attempts to "blot" the fire. It was a mess.

At least one other table had the same thing happen during dinner, so we didn't feel like the only table of ten morons in the room. And, lucky for us, we were able to open a door behind our table to let the smell out before the entire room started holding their noses and staring scornfully at the idiots at the "60s and 70s Table."

Other than that little incident, everything was just perfect, though M and I are both happy to be home as we were missing S a lot. He hasn't gotten to see her yet as our flight was delayed and we didn't get in before she went to bed. Bummer. Here are some pics from the weekend. I'm out, peeps.

The view.

The bride and her ladies.

The perfect storm.

Mr. Ouiser, Mr. Feathernester, and M

Sweetest thing ever.

The remains.

The welcome wagon and all of her teeth.

a happy daddy's day

Let's start by saying that it was a great Father's Day in the Ouiser household. I hope all the daddies out there had great days, too.

Now back it up to last week. I think I forgot to mention that S puked all over me last week. That was on Tuesday. It was pretty uneventful, and I thought maybe she'd just eaten something that disagreed with her or that she'd gotten really upset and too hot when she wanted me to get her up from her nap. Whatever the cause, it was legitimate vomit, and it was all over me, one of the porch swings, and the front porch itself. She felt better afterward, though. Then she started getting some nasty eye boogers and a few sniffles, and then she had bags under her eyes and big blue circles. Then Friday, the snot arrived. By the bucketload. When she woke up Saturday morning with her eyes all but crusted shut and dried yellowish gray mucus all over her face, we decided to take her into the doctor's office. It's the first time the kid has ever been to the doctor for anything other than a check-up, so it was weird. She is on antibiotics for the first time in her life, and it seems to be working, which is a good thing as M and I are headed to NY for Scarlet Lily's wedding this weekend.

Her ailment, however, nearly messed up our daddy's day plans. We got M a membership to the Nashville Zoo as a gift. S and I took him to Dunkin' Donuts for coffee and donuts (duh) yesterday morning, and then we headed to Nashville. We had a really nice morning. We got there at 9 just as the zoo opened, so it wasn't hot or crowded. Unfortunately, S was a bit if a zombie, though she did perk up when she got to the petting zoo. She petted a goat, and then continued to say "GOOOOAT" and "animals more" for about fifteen minutes. She didn't last long after that, which foiled my plan to take M to Baja Burrito for lunch on the way home, but that's okay. I made him popovers for lunch, which were his only request for the weekend, so that worked out nicely. Then we took his dad to Cracker Barrel for dinner (the man ate so much that he put us to shame). On the way to dinner, we passed the Renaissance Center, and S started screaming "ball" over and over. Click here to see why. M found it totally hysterical.

Anyway, that's our weekend in a very tiny nutshell. It was actually a great weekend despite the sickness as we got to spend a lot of time together doing very little. Now it's back to normal...

Here are a few pics. You can tell the poor kid was totally out of it at the end. As M and I look quite happy despite that fact, you may choose to question our parenting skills. We probably deserve it.

the sunshine festival

Or, The Sonnenschein Festival, which is it's proper German name apparently. (Um, peeps, what's German for "festival?")

Saturday morning, the Ouiser peeps headed out on a long journey to the blink-and-you'll-miss-it town of Hohenwald, TN to attend The Sunshine Festival. The drive was an hour and fifteen minutes, which I knew was a little beyond S's hour-long tolerance for sitting still. She did, of course, fuss a lot on the way there. She then fussed a lot on the hour and fifteen minute drive home that began thirty minutes after we got there. The festival was a total bust. I should've known better. It was supposed to be some sort of hippie/sustainable living shendig, so we thought there might be something interesting. Not so much, really. Plus we sent two-and-a-half hours worth of emissions into the atmosphere trying to get there to be green. Duh. I feel like I need to start buying carbon credits for these kinds of boneheaded moves.

Anyway, we unloaded S from the car upon arriving in lovely downtown Hohenwald, and she flat out refused to go into the stroller, which we knew was coming as she'd been strapped into the carseat for so long. So, M carried her through the 90+ degree heat. We got to watch some old dudes carry in the flags for the presentation of colors as we made it there as soon as the festivities began, and we got to hear a little bluegrass , and we got to see a little girl clogging on a sheet of plywood. Poor kid probably melted in the heat as she had hair down to her butt and was wearing jeans.

We did talk to some people who run a business that insulates homes with straw, which we will be interested in when the time comes to build our farmhouse. No use right now, though. We got some information on the Elephant Sanctuary, and The Farm School tried to recruit S. Then we met Sam, the guy who co-founded a pretty cool little organization called CoolPeopleCare. He gave S a sticker, which she wore all day. We bought a book from him, and some local honey to try to help out the local beekeepers...and work naturally on M's ever-worsening allergies. Then we headed back to the car. I don't count the trip as a rousing success. It was at least something different, though, and we were all together and relaxed-ish. Next time we're looking for a family outing on a Saturday morning, we're heading to the Farmers Market. I love that place, but there just aren't enough vendors set up during the week to make the trip worthwhile. We need Saturday produce trips.

Anyway, I'm just rambling. I will tell you that one of the pointers in today's Ideal Bite was about fast food, and it relates to one of my biggest pet peeves. Taking too many napkins/ketchups/fire taco sauces/whatever. M and I are seriously anal about only taking two napkins if we're out. Even now that we have S. We'll get up and get more if we really, really have to, but it's such a total waste. Know what happens to those unused napkins? They get tossed. It drives me nuts. Same with those stupid packets. And plastic cutlery. I picked up Blizzards one night for me and M, and I refused plastic spoons, and you would've thought I asked the girl to just put the ice cream directly into my cupped hands for the drive home. I am guessing I'm the first person at the DC Dairy Queen to refuse the red plastic spoons. (Wow, two posts in two days talking about DQ. Nice.) Anyway, only take what you need people. I know it takes more effort to only take one napkin, but it's worth it. The other thing was- get out of your car instead of sitting in a drive thru. I am hereby resolving never to sit in a drive-thru again. If I require fast food, which I rarely do, I will haul my butt out of the car to get it. Sonic is an exception, though, as we always turn the car off while we wait for roller-skating carhops to bring us our heart attacks in sandwich form.

I have to stop now. I have legitimate things to do. Have a great Thursday, peeps. That is, if you actually stuck with this insanely boring post. Sorry for wasting the minutes off of your life.

hot eats, cool treats

We took S to Dairy Queen Friday after dinner. It was a hit. I thought you'd like to see for yourselves.

stick a fork in me

What's been happening in the P household? Hmmm...

Potty-training has been abandoned. S was completely stressed out. She's not ready, and that's okay.


M nearly had dinner come out of his nose last night because S has learned a new word. The word is "fork," but S can't really pronounce R's. I'm guessing you can figure out what "fork" comes out sounding like. She said it about thirty times in rapid succession at dinner last night, and M's face was bright red as he tried not to burst into fits of tears from the laughter. It was pretty funny.

S and I are still attempting to recover from potty training, so we've been totally low key. We've spent most of the past 24 hours dancing to the new Motown mix I made for her...and swinging on the porch swings...and eating grapes, which are her new favorite food. I think they kicked strawberries from the top spot simply because she can say grapes. Or, "gapes". Like I said, no "R's."

I would really, really love some chocolate chip cookies right now.

I am super excited about Barack Obama, and I think he should choose me as his running mate.

I'm going to bed. I really only posted so I'd remember the fork thing. I'm out. Sleep tight, little twiddlebugs.

m's shot at 12,000 words

Since I was already called out for not posting about my man Barack today (you know who you are), here's a shout out to all my Democrat peeps. Thank goodness...now let's go clobber us some John McCain. I feel like we should all start yelling in unison or something. Chanting, anyone??

Now, M just sat down and made his mosaic. Here you go. Can anyone guess the one word he used to describe himself? Classic.

a big day and a lot of pee

One. It's looking like a big day for our boy Barack. I'd be much more giddy if it wasn't for...

Two. A lot of pee. Lots and lots of pee. S has been telling us recently when she has pooped, and it's becoming easier to tell when she's doing number one or two, so we've decided to give the whole potty training thing a whirl. I am not someone who is expecting miracles. I know that 16 months is early, but she's showing some interest, so I thought I might as well try before I miss the early window and am stuck washing diapers for another year or so. (Though I am prepared for that and am fine with it...)

Anyway, we've been talking about the potty more lately, and I've had her sit on it a few times. Yesterday, she yanked on her diaper and said, "poop." So, we headed upstairs, but there was no poop in her diaper. She said, "no,' when I asked her if she needed to sit on the potty, so I put her diaper back on and let her play. She promptly took the diaper off, walked into the bathroom, looked inside her potty (then decided against it), crawled into her old duck bathtub, and peed. She looked pretty impressed with herself if I'm being honest. I told her how good she was for telling mommy that she had to go, but I let her know that she needed to pee in the potty not the tub. Moving on to this morning.

S hadn't pooped when she woke up, so I stripped her diaper off and we headed to the bathroom. She got the look, so I sat her on the potty...AND SHE POOPED! In the potty. Like a big girl. Then she stood up, looked at it, said, "shoo. Yuck," and walked away. It was great.

That's when I definitely decided to give this thing a real, honest-to-goodness try. We'll be spending a lot of time in the house for a couple of days I think. We're going to try the "Naked and $75" approach. I did buy her some training panties this morning...plus some flushable wipes and her own hand soap. I put some of the training panties on her when we got home and she peed everywhere in her seat during lunch. I thought it wasn't so bad...until I noticed pee dripping out of the chair half an hour later. Awesome. I then proceeded to roll up the new rug in the living room, which she thought was a super fun game. She has since peed in the floor twice, and the first time was a bit traumatic. I was in the kitchen. She was playing on the rolled up rug (climbing up, scooting off. rinse and repeat). I heard a pretty loud thud, which was immediately followed by some seriously pissed off screaming. She had peed in the floor then slipped in it trying to get to the rug. So, there she was laying naked in the floor, screaming, covered in pee. I picked her up (thereby soaking myself in pee), and held her, and explained what had happened. I sat her in her little rocking chair and asked her to stay there while I cleaned up. She decided to follow me, but it didn't end well. She slipped in the puddle again, making herself infinitely more angry. I did finally get the pee all cleaned up...and the girl calmed down.

She started playing again...then she crawled into her rocking chair with a book. Then she started whining. She was, of course, peeing in her chair. I picked her up, while she was peeing, and sat her on her potty (because it is totally sitting in the living room). This time she stayed right where I put her. I think she was afraid of falling again. I cleaned up the floor for the second time in about 45 minutes, and let her stay on the potty for a bit.

I think it's wearing her out. She was so tired at the end of all that, she basically just fell into my arms. She's napping now, but I realize that this is going to be really difficult for her (and the washing machine, which is currently full of pee-soaked towels). I think she's doing pretty well, though. She's whining now as she starts to pee...not just after, and that has to be considered a step in the right direction.

Anyway, I know that the success of this little experiment depends totally on her wanting to do this, so I've just got my fingers crossed, and I'm ready to shelve the whole thing if it doesn't work, but it can't hurt to try. Any advice from all of you mama-veterans is greatly, greatly appreciated.

I'm out, peeps. I am in desperate need of a shower.

this mosaic is worth 12,000 words

Since I lack the wherewithal to create my own post these days, I jumped on Feathernester's bandwagon. See her post here to figure out what this is all about.
Happy Monday, peeps.